Generous Gifts Funds Listings Summer Bulletin July 2010
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From the Congregational Nurse
A Cautionary Tale
Winter. The days are short, the nights are long. The light, such as it is, is often dim. I have been spending time these short days considering the bringing of light into darkness. And once again, my thoughts go toward another patient who has taught me much. Unfortunately, the story of what she has taught me is a cautionary tale.
“Mildred” (not her real name) is a strong woman. She is fiercely independent, knows her own mind and sets high standards for herself and others. Unfortunately, she is completely unaware of the “light” within her life. Mildred is a woman who sees only the darkness. She focuses on what she believes should be rather than what is. What I see is that her children are devoted to her and do much for her, but she sees only the lapses, the disappointments and the occasional slights. She seems blind to the manifold blessings of her life. The result is compassion fatigue. Her family is frustrated and losing their motivation to continue to give their mother their time and effort. “What difference does it make if we are there or not?” they say defensively. “All she does is complain that there wasn’t more being done for her.”
And poor Mildred is miserable. It is not simply that she does not acknowledge what is done for her; she doesn’t even perceive it. It is as if she cloaks herself in the season’s darkness that only the disappointments can penetrate. The positive aspects of her life do not seem discernable to her. Unseen, they bring no light. She has no appreciation for her family, her health, her financial comfort, her mobility or her cognition. She sees only the lapses between visits, the lack of thank-you notes from the grandchildren, the perceived slights of neighbors.
To her I offer this counsel—“Where do we find God?” the Kotzker rabbi asks. “Anywhere we let Him in.”
How do we bring lightness into the dark? By noticing it is there.
Karen Frank
973.994.2290, ext. 252
