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From the JFS Synagogue Social Worker
Reaching A Midlife Fork in the Road
Somewhere between the ages of 40 and 65, most of us will become introspective about our lives. We will ask ourselves questions like, “Who have I become?” and “Where do I go from here?” The well-known Rabbi Hillel encapsulated these questions into a much-quoted saying:
“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?”
This quote challenges us to look at ourselves, the people around us, and assess if we are leading a meaningful and fulfilling life. It also implores us to make needed changes sooner rather than later. When we make big changes at this point in our lives, we tend to deem it a midlife crisis. However for most, change is subtler and becomes more of a midlife turning point—without the drama that the word crisis connotes.
The typical triggers for these types of turning points are an empty nest, unemployment, divorce, illness or a general awakening that life is too short. This is the time when many people go into therapy because they are feeling emotional and sometimes confused. The work in therapy is to look forward, but also to take a look inside. Cultivating self-awareness requires that we tune into feelings and narratives that run in our heads. In addition, it is helpful to think about who we used to be and what we dreamed we would become. Joan Didion wrote, “We forget what we whispered and what we dreamed. We forget who we were.”
Once we feel aware of ourselves as well as our past, we want to define our current strengths and look forward to the possibilities that abound. Do we want to seek more adventure and vanquish our fears? Or do we crave more intimacy with those around us? Or do we want to seek a deeper meaning in life and search for a spiritual path? There are so many paths to a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
If you feel that you have reached a midlife “fork in the road” and need some guidance, please give me a call at 973.994.2290, ext. 212, or e-mail me at ahicks@tbanj.org.
